Halfway Vacation

The halfway point of vacation is always hard for me —

before that I am full of anticipation and excitement for all the things we might do, all the time we have to relax.

But once the invisible clock hands slide past halfway, real-life Ali stages a hostile takeover of vacation Ali,

and I start worrying about all the things we still need to do, all the things we might miss, how little time left there is to relax.

On the anxiety spectrum, I definitely slide pretty far to the right,

and sometimes I manage it well, use it to my advantage to be super productive and efficient.

And sometimes I hate it.

How it steals my joy and contentment, chokes my ability to be fully present.

So today I’m working on trying to embrace today, this day, the second to last day of vacation.

The lake was clear as glass today, no sign of the waves that crashed wildly to her shores just a few nights ago.

She’s equally beautiful in both states, and I love how Lake Michigan is so unpredictable —

a reminder that nature cannot be tamed, life cannot be controlled.

Since my anxiety often leads to a desperate wrestling for control, I appreciate the lake’s message:

you are so small in the scheme of things, she tells me, stop trying so hard —

enjoy what’s in front of you right now, it might be different tomorrow.

A warning and an encouragement.