Anxiety Love

Love is doing whatever it takes to be the best version of yourself for the people who love you,

even if that means asking your doctor for anxiety meds through shame-filled tears,

desperately trying to convince her it’s only temporary and you’re really not usually like this.

It’s doing the work with your therapist to free yourself from that voice that always lies,

that says the medicine is a sign you are sick, that you have failed, that you should be trying harder.

Or that you just need a little more faith.

It’s learning to accept exactly who you are, willing to deep dive into trauma and fear and pain —

being thankful for the survival skills that kept you sane and alive your entire life,

while still feeling strong and brave enough to realize you no longer need them.

We’ve been tinkering with my anxiety med dosage a bit lately,

and I was thinking how much easier it would be if getting help for mental health was like having an eye exam.

Okay, now, this is 5 mg and this is 10.

Look through this lens and tell me how you feel. This is 5, this is 10.

10.

Okay, now 10. And then 15. Which one makes you more tired?

15.

Okay, and now look again. Med 1 or Med 2?

And then Med 3 or Med 4?

Which one makes you feel better, but not TOO much better?

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

Until then, thankful for a doctor who listens, a therapist who pushes and a God who loves me deeply.